I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
