He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
