now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
