We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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