I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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