So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize