I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize