after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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