Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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