I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
