ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
