The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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