i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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