I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
