My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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