Please, let me fuck your mom
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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