I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
