I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
