What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
