So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love having hate sex.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
