Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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