I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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