I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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