There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
