You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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