i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
