Nicole vs. Life
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
