We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
