Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
