The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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