here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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