Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
