I think I am morally bankrupt
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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