i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
