I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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