Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize