yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
