I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
