i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
