True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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