i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
