girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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