I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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