I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
