did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
