Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
worst night to have a conscience
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
