we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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