he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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