Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
