you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
