I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
