i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
