I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
