Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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