i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
is it fun? or sober?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
