They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
