He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
