Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
