tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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