So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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