Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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