I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
