Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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