So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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