Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
