I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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